Archives For Mental health

Hold,on Elizabeth, this is the big one

sanford and son imageThe quotation above is actually a favorite line of Redd Foxx’s character in his classic sitcom, “Sanford and Son”

For purposes of this article, the ”big one” I’m referring to is “Judgement.”

Deepak Chopra once suggested that if we could release judgement of any kind, our stress would virtually disappear.

I don’t know about you but I’m not there yet, however, I have learned that the less I judge what’s going on around me, the more at ease I am.

For me,it’s really about choices. I can choose to be bothered by something that I think “should” be different than it is or I can, as the Serenity Prayer teaches, “Accept the things I cannot change.”

The way I feel also has a lot to do with how I frame a particular situation in my own mind – my internal representation of it, if you will.

For example, if I’m looking at a new housing project, I can either be upset that yet another farm or field has been transformed into a housing development or, as I recently choose to do, look at what’s good about the situation.

In the case of the housing development, it created jobs, is providing a nice place for people to live, and is in many ways benefiting the community.

It’s not so much about which viewpoint is right or wrong. It’s a matter of how “I” want to feel as I go through life.

I could have just as easily chosen to be upset and gone into a tirade about how this is destroying open space and a host of other very “justifiable” arguments.

Doing this would have raised my blood pressure, upset my otherwise beautiful morning and accomplished nothing useful. The houses are not going to be magically torn down to make room for a field.

Of course, the second line of the Serenity Prayer also asks for “the courage to change those things I can,” so I will continue to work to preserve open space and control development.

It’s really simple – if you want to feel better and have less stress, give up judgement. The more you can accept things as they are, instead of how you feel they ”should” be, the more at peace you will feel.

This does not mean you have to accept everything but that you have, as the prayer asks, the “wisdom to know the difference” between what you can and cannot change.

When the “guru” was asked what he did to be able to live among the Whirling Dervishes and not be disturbed by their whirling around, he responded, “I let them whirl.”

You’ll likely read more in this topic in the future since, as I said at the beginning, “This is the big one.”

“Iron Mike,” as he was known to his friends, not so much because he was a tough guy but because he had been an iron worker, was old school, blue collar, working class, Staten Island Irish, much like my own family.

Mike had been an iron worker and serious drinker for many years. Oh, yea, he was tough too.

What I remember most about him, aside from his always outstretched hand ready to welcome a newcomer to the fellowship we were both members of, was his response whenever someone said, “This too shall pass.”

“Yea,” Mike would bellow, “the good passes, the bad passes, and then you pass.”

What’s important to remember through all of this is that, whatever is happening in your life, the good and the less than good, will pass as surely as day passes into night.

If you’re going through a difficult period right now, as many seem to be, hang tight, it will pass.

Similarly, that fantastic feeling you’re having right now will also pass. It’s the natural ebb and flow of life.

You remember life. It’s that thing that John Lennon said happens while we’re busy making other plans.

My favorite metaphor for getting through whatever challenges come your way is the Lone Cypress, pictured to your left.

This amazing tree, seen along the coastline on the Seventeen Mile Drive in Monterey, Ca., not only survives but thrives among some of the most difficult weather conditions you could imagine.

High winds, heavy rains, frequent storms and more threaten this tough little tree daily. How does it thrive?

Simple, it offers no resistance to the elements. It bends and twists to accommodate the weather conditions, all the while, making itself stronger with each passing storm.

Whatever is going on in your life right now, especially if it’s challenging, go with the flow. Ride the waves of the changes that are taking place the way a surfer rides them. Just go with the ebb and flow of the tides of your life.

And remember, in the words of Iron Mike, “This too shall pass.”

Yes, you can condition yourself to feel better each day by just doing the activity below for a minute or two each day.

If you doubt this, I challenge you to do it for a day or two and see what happens.

Then, please come back here and let us know how it went.

Is hiring homeless people to act as Wi Fi hotspots demeaning?

There’s presently an enormous amount of media buzz about global marketing and branding agency, BBH’s experiment of hiring homeless people to act as Wi Fi Hotspots at the SBSX (South by Southwest) technology conference in Austin Texas.

Homeless Wi Fi HotspotIn case you’ve been out of town and missed the story, essentially the agency hired homeless people, dressed them in T-shirts labeled “I am (name). I’m a 4G Hotspot,” and released them around the SBSX event. Using a Paypal link, event attendees could pay or donate money to gain Web access.

Emma Cookson, BBH’s chairwoman, defends the practice, saying that it gives the homeless a way to earn money and enables them to engage with the rest of society. She adds that all of the money collected by the homeless people goes to them.

Detractors are loudly screaming that it’s demeaning and abusive to have a human being be used as a technology hotspot.

The Washington Post asks, Have we lost our humanity?

I’ve read several accounts of the story and watched a news video with a panel of “experts” discussing it.

What I find particularly interesting, especially from the media, is that the people speaking out against the idea all have homes and jobs.

While this, obviously, is not an ideal way for someone to live, neither is being homeless or going without food. Having done both on more than one occasion, I have a different perspective on this issue than most.

Is it demeaning to provide someone with a way to earn money, honestly and ethically? I think not.

Is it abusive to give an, otherwise invisible, homeless person a way to engage mainstream citizens in conversation? I think not.

Listening to the CNN interview with BBH’s Cookson, it became obvious that the agency was as concerned for the homeless people as they were for the marketing potential of the stunt.

She compared the project to being the high tech replacement for the homeless newspapers of years past. Once a lifeline for the person suffering from homelessness, the newspapers have all but vanished, as have many main stream papers,being replaced by digital alternatives.

What’s important to ask here, rather than whether it’s demeaning to the homeless person or not, is what is the potential for good?

How might this type of practice actually help those whom we’ve conveniently forgotten on our streets?

Wanting someone else’s perspective on this, I reached out to my colleague Joe Vitale, author of The Attractor Factor, and several other bestselling books and star of the law of attraction movie, The Secret.

Since Joe was also once homeless and is now a highly successful author and teacher, I wanted to know how he felt.

Here’s Joe’s response:

“I think giving homeless people an opportunity to make money while also helping entrepreneurs is a win-win. Any disagreement with that is simply people revealing their own limiting beliefs about money and the “right” way to handle it.”

“People used to say P.T. Barnum exploited handicapped people like General Tom Thumb, yet Tom would have died penniless without him. With Barnum, he became world-famous and a multi-millionaire, and that was in the 1800s.”

I agree wholeheartedly with Joe.

The bottom line here is people are able to earn money.

They are not being forced to do this. They are jumping at the chance.

Trust me, when you’re at the bottom, it’s all up from there.

They’re having an opportunity to, not only feel a part of something, but to engage everyday people in conversation. This alone will help raise their self-esteem.

The people in cities where this is being done will have the chance to learn that the homeless, previously thought of as “untouchables,” are people just like them.

Given a hand up instead of a hand out, they can bounce back and become productive members of society. I did, Joe did, as have countless others who, for whatever reason found themselves at the bottom.

The biggest problem with the homeless condition in America is the fact that the rest of society do not, as a rule, relate to it. Most working people do not see this as something that could, through no fault of their own, happen to them. They’re wrong. It could, and has, to many who thought it couldn’t.

The job now is to find ways to help put an end to this black mark on America’s soul. What we’ve been doing, as well intentioned as it has been, has not worked.

As any successful person will tell you, when what you’re doing is not getting the result you want, you do something else.

While the “Human Wi Fi Hotspot” may seem strange, it’s a step in the right direction.

If nothing else, it’s brought the problem into the conversation and that’s never a bad idea.

I welcome your comments and opinion on this.

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Thanksgiving Message

November 24, 2011 — 2 Comments

As long as I’ve been writing Jim’s Jems I’ve made a point of writing a special message for Thanksgiving. This has always been a happy time of year for me but, since the loss of my Mother and Mother-in-law in 2000, it’s also a bit sad.

Today I’ve been reflecting on this holiday, what it means to me and my memories of past Thanksgiving celebrations, both the good and the not-so-good.

turkey photo

Turkeys dropped by for a bite on their way out of town.

I’ve been recalling the years growing up, when Thanksgiving meant a house filled with family, lots of fun and, of course, an assortment of wonderful foods, lovingly prepared by my Mom and her sisters. Though their all gone now, the memories remain.

I remembered the less-than-great Thanksgiving I spent alone in Chico, CA, my only friend, Charlie having been invited to dinner somewhere. I was sitting in a Chinese restaurant by myself with the exception of the bartender, drinking vodka and eating wonton soup. Turkey dinners are not typically on the menu of a Chinese restaurant.

In thinking about these two extremes I realized that one of the things that enabled me to survive many of the lows I endured was being willing to accept whatever situation I found myself in at the time.

I did not have to like it and, looking back, I could and probably should have done something to change it, but not letting it spin me into a depression was what enabled me to survive.

The reality is that we’re all still here and as, my wise Uncle George once said, “When you read the the obituaries if your name’s not there you’re having a good day.”

Hopefully you’re enjoying a wonderful celebration with family or, like us, with special friends.

Even if you are presently experiencing one of life’s many challenges, there are still things you can do to feel better.

For starters, look for whatever good you can find in the situation. While my Chinese restaurant experience could have been viewed as depressing, what made it bearable for me was observing that I had a roof over my head and something to eat and drink. It was not perfect but it could have been a lot worse.

Gratitude and appreciation – focusing on what’s good – in any situation is the fastest path to feeling better.

It’s a fact that it is virtually impossible to feel gratitude and self-pity at the same time. And self-pity is something to avoid at all costs since all it does is make you feel worse and puts you into a tail spin toward depression.

If you are depressed, do something about it. Talk to someone, a friend, clergy, therapist or whomever. Do not sit and suffer in silence. Depression is a real and serious condition.

Personally, my Thanksgiving ritual is beginning the day by writing my “Gratitude” list.

Looking back over this past year, I have so much to be grateful for, including all of you who support the work I do by reading my writing, buying my books and programs, and sharing your lives with me on Facebook and other social media.

I can’t describe how fantastic it feels to hear from someone who has applied something I wrote in their life and created a positive outcome. That’s what gives me juice. That’s why I do what I do.

Sure it’s awesome to be able to earn a living doing something I love but it’s knowing that I’m having a positive impact on people’s lives that gets me out of bed in the morning. That and, of course, our cats looking for their breakfast.

You are important to me and I appreciate that you are in my life.

Whatever your Thanksgiving plans, even if you do not celebrate this uniquely United States holiday, I wish you a happy and abundant Thanksgiving.